Agenda
Event Schedule
We are gearing up for another day action packed conference!
After the Conference registration you will receive a temporary login for online access to all session content.
Registration
Doors open at the crack of 4:00 AM, because early registration is the first sign of a disciplined, well-planned process. Follow the meticulously pre-printed signs to "Registration" in the main hall, where our staff will verify your paperwork in triplicate, issue your official lanyard, and confirm that you arrived exactly on schedule. Latecomers will be documented.
Keynote Danny Ed Gaulting
Years of , tasting . Give me ! Danny Ed Gaulting opens the conference with a thunderous keynote on why the only acceptable direction for a project is straight down, one phase at a time. Expect zero slides about pivoting, boundless enthusiasm, and at least one standing ovation he requested in writing six months in advance.
Paper is king. Edmond Lindy
is so last decade. Edmond will show you how to waste paper the way. In this hands-on workshop, Edmond demonstrates how a truly serious specification should be heavy enough to prop open a fire door. Every attendee leaves with a complimentary three-ring binder and a deep, lasting respect for the humble printout.
Eat & Drink . Shauna Nordbrock
Shauna Nordbrock serves up valuable tips and tricks learned over a long, signature-filled career. Learn which fork to use at the requirements sign-off luncheon, how to network for an entire afternoon without committing to a single deliverable, and why the best decisions are made on a full stomach and a fully finalized scope. Bring an appetite and a change-request form.
Sumo Level Adoption. Devin Stell
Devin drives adoption with a nuclear behemoth data volcano, ingesting an atomic level of convincing. This heavyweight session body-slams every objection to sequential delivery and pins it firmly to the mat. Buzzwords will be deployed at maximum tonnage - bring ear protection and an open, fully-documented mind.
Paint the town with . Mitch Mitch
Mitch Mitch brings a torrent of innovative ideas and transformative strategies to every engagement - then carefully freezes them in Phase 1 so nothing can ever change again. A high-energy talk on painting the town one committee-approved color, selected eighteen months in advance. Splatter outside the designated scope is strictly prohibited.
The soothing sound of Alex Downfoursound
Just as a transforms the landscape, Alex Downfoursound is a catalyst for transformative change in the world. Close out Day 1 with an ambient soundscape of gently flowing requirements, distant printer hum, and the deeply satisfying click of a milestone being signed off. Attendees report profound relaxation and an overwhelming urge to update their Gantt charts.
: Measure Twice, Cut Once, Document Forever. William Sydney
William Sydney makes the case that real engineering happens long before anyone touches a keyboard. Learn why the perfect project is 80% planning, 19% paperwork, and 1% reluctantly admitting the requirements might change. Bring a binder.
runs through our blood. Megan McBabich
A deeply personal talk: Megan McBabich shares how three generations of her family refused to write a single line of code until the design document was notarized. Equal parts memoir and methodology, closing with a moving tribute to the humble Gantt chart.
Lunch and Learn. Wonderboy Whyatt
Eat a sensible boxed lunch while Wonderboy Whyatt walks through a 60-slide deck on phase-gate approvals. There will be no live questions - questions are a Phase 2 activity and we are still firmly in Phase 1. Sandwiches provided; opinions are not.
Wins, Loses. Laura Londyn
Laura Londyn delivers the keynote the Agile industrial complex does not want you to see. Through a parade of suspiciously confident bar charts, she proves that nothing ships faster than a project that flatly refuses to change direction. Daily standups will be openly mocked.
Hallucinating on Schedule: AI Meets the Model. P as in Phoebe
What happens when you hand a Large Language Model a 600-page requirements binder and tell it not to improvise? P as in Phoebe finds out. A candid look at how AI and both confidently generate enormous documents that nobody will ever fully verify - a partnership built on mutual, unshakeable certainty.
Sponsored Drinking Event Professor Drinksalot
Phase 6 of every great methodology: celebration. Professor Drinksalot hosts an open bar where attendees toast to requirements that never changed and deadlines that only technically slipped. Lanyards required; sign-off forms available at the door.
Down with , wake up with . Noah Zenith
An early-morning intervention for recovering Scrum addicts. Noah Zenith gently guides the room through letting go of sprints, standups, and the crushing anxiety of "continuous" anything. By 8 AM you will be craving structure, signatures, and a gloriously long planning phase.
Morning rock out, style. Tyler Copilot
Tyler Copilot turns the morning into a celebration of doing things in strict order. Expect air-guitar solos timed precisely to the project plan, absolutely zero improvisation, and an encore that was approved in writing six months ago. Headbanging is permitted only during the testing phase.
Lunch and Learn. Speaker TBD
A second helping of lunch and a second helping of process. Our still-unconfirmed speaker promises a riveting tour of change-request forms over a balanced meal. If no one is finalized in time, the slides will present themselves - they were completed months ago anyway.
Swim up a without paddles. Speaker TBD
An advanced survival session for projects where every decision flows strictly downstream and there is no paddling back. Learn to embrace the current, trust the plan, and never, ever ask to revisit Phase 1. Life vests not provided - the requirements said you would not need them.
Fan your hair in our Speaker TBD
Stand majestically beneath the cascading glory of pure sequential process and let the mist of finalized requirements blow through your hair. Largely a ceremonial session, but the photos are spectacular and look fantastic in a quarterly status report.
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